Tag: counselling

Woodland path through trees representing calm, reflection and finding steadier ground during stressful times

Stress Awareness Month: Signs of Stress and Finding Balance

Written by Lorraine Smith on April 5, 2026. Posted in Mental Wellbeing, Uncategorized.

How Stress Can Build Without You Realising

April is Stress Awareness Month, which makes it a good time to pause and reflect on our own stress levels and how we respond when life begins to feel too heavy.

We’ve probably all heard the phrase “I’m so stressed” more times than we can count. Additionally, in today’s fast-paced world, stress is often worn like a badge of honour; a sign that we are busy, productive, and keeping everything moving.

In small doses, stress can help us respond to challenges. Our nervous system activates, our body prepares for action, and we get the burst of energy needed to deal with what’s in front of us. However, when stress continues for too long, or when we fail to return to a more settled state in between stressful moments, it can begin to affect both your mind and body.

What begins as temporary pressure can gradually become something that feels constant.

The Stress Backpack

As a counsellor, I often describe stress as being like carrying a heavy backpack.

At first, the backpack is light and easy to carry. Then life happens – a demanding project at work, family responsibilities, studying, financial worries, difficult conversations, everyday pressures – more weight is added to your backpack. At first you manage. You may walk a little slower, you might feel a little more tired, but you keep going.

The difficulty comes when things keep being added to your backpack and nothing is taken out. Without rest, support, or moments of regulation, the backpack becomes heavier and heavier until carrying it starts to feel exhausting.

How Stress can Affect us

Sometimes stress shows itself quietly through poor sleep, headaches, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low patience, shallow breathing, muscle tension, digestive changes, or simply a sense of always feeling slightly on edge. We often don’t notice it building, we get used to making adjustments, plodding on and functioning. Stress becomes something we simply push through. Life still needs managing, tasks still need completing, and people still make demands. Often, we do not realise how much pressure we’ve been carrying until we head towards a crash, feeling emotionally tired, flat, overwhelmed, or disconnected from ourselves.

As well as being a slow accumulator, stress can also arrive suddenly. An unexpected event or high-pressure situation can trigger an immediate stress response – a pounding heart, changes in breathing, and intense physical sensations as the body reacts quickly to what it perceives as threat.

Stress can affect thinking too. Small decisions can feel harder. Problems can seem bigger. Worries often become louder at night when everything else is quiet.

It’s not unusual for people to feel they should be coping better, especially when outwardly everything appears manageable.

Why do we Need Stress?

Stress is the body’s natural response to challenge, pressure, or perceived threat – often known as the fight or flight response.

It is designed to help us react quickly when needed. The difficulty is that our bodies are not built to remain in that heightened state for long periods of time.

When stress becomes ongoing, it can leave us feeling physically drained, mentally tired, emotionally reactive, and sometimes close to burnout.

Recognising When Stress Is Building

Many of us are used to carrying on and ignoring the early warning signs of stress, especially when it builds quietly. Your body is your early-warning system. Learning to listen to your body and observe what you are feeling can help with stress management.

Here are some signs of stress that you may notice:

Physical signs: tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, headaches, racing heartbeat, heaviness in your chest, stomach discomfort, or disturbed sleep.

Emotional signs: irritability, feeling overwhelmed, difficulty concentrating, low patience, constant worry, or feeling permanently alert.

Behavioural signs: withdrawing from people, changes in appetite, relying more heavily on unhealthy coping habits, or finding it hard to switch off.

These are just a few signs that your nervous system is working hard to stay alert and unlikely to be returning to a state of rest.

Lightening the Load

Whilst we may not always be able to remove the things causing us stress, we can begin to change how we respond to them.

A few gentle starting points can help:

Notice what tends to trigger your stress
Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps
Create short moments of pause during the day
Spend time outside, even briefly
Move your body in a way that feels realistic
Allow yourself to say no when needed
Make space for something that brings comfort or enjoyment

Sometimes even small changes can reduce the weight you are carrying.

When It Helps to Talk

No matter how much we try, sometimes the backpack simply becomes too heavy to carry alone.

Having a calm, confidential space to talk honestly can help you understand what is sitting underneath the pressure.

Counselling and somatic therapy offer space to explore what is contributing to stress, what keeps it going, and what may help you manage it differently.

Therapy is not only for moments of crisis. It can also be a place to pause before things begin to feel overwhelming.

You don’t need to arrive to therapy with everything worked out nor a focussed goal. Sometimes the starting point is simply recognising that your life feels heavier than usual and that exploring this might help.

You do not have to carry the backpack alone.

If stress has been sitting quietly in the background for some time, it may be worth giving it some attention.

If you would like to talk, or explore ways of managing stress more gently, please feel free to get in touch.

Mother’s Day Can Bring Many Emotions

Written by Lorraine Smith on March 15, 2026. Posted in Mother's Day, Special Occasions, Uncategorized. No Comments on Mother’s Day Can Bring Many Emotions

As a counsellor working with adults and young people, I often hear how certain calendar days can stir up unexpected emotions. Mother’s Day can bring many emotions, and for some people it can be helpful to seek a little extra emotional support.

It can be a beautiful opportunity to show appreciation, but it can also be a time when difficult feelings surface, encouraging us to reflect on the complexity of family relationships.

Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, our screens, inboxes and shop windows begin to fill with flowers, cards and smiling families.

We now have the option to ‘opt-out’ of marketing emails that might trigger difficult feelings or bring emotions to the surface that we would rather not deal with at the moment. However, the reminders are still there in the background. It can sometimes feel impossible to fully escape them.

For many people, it’s a joyous day. Mother’s Day provides a chance to say thank you, spend time together, and acknowledge the roles our mothers, or mother figures, have played in our lives.

However, not every story fits neatly into the “perfect family” narrative we often see around this time of year. Like many significant days in the calendar, Mother’s Day can evoke a wide range of emotions. For some people it’s joyful, colourful, happy and full of laughter. For others it may feel complicated, sad, heavy, or quietly painful.

If this day brings warmth for you, I hope you are able to enjoy that.

If this day feels difficult for you, please remember, you are not alone.

Human relationships are rarely perfect, however, they can still hold meaning, encouraging growth and understanding.

If it feels particularly heavy this year, and you’d like to chat to someone today, please remember that support is available online and on the phone 24/7.

Below are a few suggestions that might help if you are struggling today.

However, before you explore those, it may be helpful, and regulating, to understand that Mother’s Day was not always a day of celebration of the women who gave birth to us or the female caregivers in our lives. The history of Mother’s Day is quite different from what many people imagine.

The Origins of Mother’s Day in the UK

In the UK, what we now call Mother’s Day was originally known as Mothering Sunday.

The tradition originated in the 16th century and was connected to the Christian calendar. Mothering Sunday is always on the fourth Sunday of Lent, which is why the date changes each year.

Originally, the day had little to do with buying gifts or celebrating mothers in the modern sense. Instead, people would return to their “mother church”, the main church or parish where they were baptised, for a service.

Over time, the day began to take on a more family-focused meaning. Historically, many young people worked away from home as domestic servants or farm workers. Mothering Sunday was often the one day of the year they were allowed to return home to visit their families.

These young people would often pick flowers from hedgerows to give to their mothers, or for the church.

Additionally, the fourth weekend of Lent is also known as Refreshment Sunday, when the Lenten fast was permitted to be eased. This is where the tradition of baking and sharing Simnel cake began.

Mother’s Day in America is celebrated on the second Sunday in May. This was officially established in the early 20th century by President Woodrow Wilson as a day for personal reflection and gratitude.

The American celebrations led to the UK tradition being revived in 1913 by Constance Penswick-Smith, and Mothering Sunday was promoted again, gradually evolving into the Mother’s Day we recognise today.

Why Mother’s Day Can Be Difficult for Some People

Mother’s Day is generally presented as a universally happy and joyous occasion. However, the reality can be far from the images the media portray.

We are all unique. We all walk our own path. The truth is, many people’s experience of Mother’s Day can be completely different, sometimes filled with negative emotions.

Family relationships are rarely simple.

Motherhood, in all its forms, can carry enormous emotional weight.

Some people look forward to the day with warmth and gratitude, planning family gatherings and meals out, whilst others may find themselves feeling unexpectedly sad, reflective, angry, or even numb.

There are many reasons why Mother’s Day can stir strong feelings.

Here are just a few that may resonate with you:

• Someone may be grieving the loss of their mother
• A relationship with a mother may be strained or distant
• There may be family estrangement
• Someone may have experienced a difficult childhood
• A person may be longing to become a parent themselves
• A mother may feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or unsupported
• A parent may be grieving the loss of a child

Additionally, for many, celebration days can highlight complicated family dynamics. Difficult family relationships are usually easier to avoid during the rest of the year, however, significant days and holidays often come with expectations of family gatherings that are peaceful and harmonious, with everyone getting on.

We see it on social media, we see it in advertising – those perfect lives! When the wider world presents a single narrative of happy families, flowers, and perfect cards, it can make our own feelings seem unjustified, unreasonable, or isolating.

Remember, it’s not unusual for Mother’s Day to evoke all sorts of emotional responses. Whatever you are feeling, your feelings are valid.

The Quiet Pressure of “Special Days”

As mentioned above, events like Mother’s Day can carry a surprising amount of pressure.

We are often surrounded by messages about what the day should look like:

• the perfect card
• the perfect family lunch
• the perfect relationship

But real life rarely fits neatly into those expectations.

Relationships between parents and children can be loving but complex. They can change over time. There may be moments of closeness alongside moments of hurt or misunderstanding. There may even be a breakdown of the relationship altogether.

It is possible to feel love, frustration, hurt, injustice, despair, in fact a myriad of emotions, all at the same time.

Rather than forcing an emotion because the calendar says so, you’re allowed to give yourself the space and permission to explore, acknowledge, and accept what you are feeling.

Remember, motherhood comes in all shapes and sizes.

If you consider it, being a mother encompasses nurturing, providing love and support, and guiding a child’s growth and development. It involves sacrificing personal needs for the child’s well-being, instilling values, and shaping their character.

On Mother’s Day it may be helpful to remember that these qualities are frequently found in many different people we meet during our lives.

Teachers, grandparents, friends, mentors, partners and carers often play powerful nurturing roles.

Sometimes the people who “mother” us are not our mothers at all.

Recognising those relationships can also be a meaningful way to acknowledge Mother’s Day.

If Mother’s Day Feels Difficult, Remember to Look After YOU

If you find Mother’s Day emotionally challenging, it can help to approach the day with a little extra self-care and kindness.

There is no single “right” way to navigate the day. Whatever feels right for you is right for you.

If you would like some inspiration, here are some gentle ideas that may help.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

You never need to dismiss or minimise how you feel.

Whatever emotions you are feeling – sadness, anger, relief, or simply quiet reflection – all your feelings and responses are valid.

Sometimes going into our minds and trying to analyse our thoughts can seem impossible. So it may also help to notice what your body might be telling you.

Strong emotions often show up physically. You might feel a tight chest, a knot in your stomach, heaviness in your shoulders, or a sense of restlessness.

These are often called somatic responses, the way emotions are experienced in the body.

Take a moment to scan your body and notice what you are feeling. Rather than pushing the sensations away, you might gently pause and notice them for a moment. Take a slow breath and allow yourself to simply acknowledge what is there.

You don’t have to analyse it or fix it. Sometimes just recognising what your body is holding, and sitting with the feeling for a moment, can be a small step towards easing it.

Adjust Your Expectations

You are allowed to step back from the traditional script if it doesn’t feel right for you.

That might mean:

• saying no to an invitation
• keeping the day simple
• spending time with people who feel supportive
• limiting time on social media
• allowing yourself quiet space if needed

It is perfectly acceptable to do what feels manageable for you.

Honour the Relationship in Your Own Way

We all have, or had, a mother.

Mother’s Day may be a moment to remember someone who is no longer here, perhaps by looking at old photographs, lighting a candle, or visiting a meaningful place.

For others, they may never have known their birth mother, so Mothering Sunday can be the perfect opportunity to celebrate the female caregivers in their lives, or the dad who assumed the roles of two parents.

For those who are estranged, it may be an opportunity to reflect on happier memories and show care and kindness to yourself.

There is no correct way to honour a relationship, only the way that feels right for you.

Do Mother’s Day Your Way

Mother’s Day does not mean you have to spend the day with your mother.

Some people choose to spend the day with friends, children, partners, or their chosen family. Others treat it as a quiet day of rest, reflection or self-care.

It does not have to look like the version presented in advertising; it just has to, hopefully, feel right for you.

Reach Out If You Need Support

If the day brings up particularly strong feelings, talking to someone can help and seeking emotional support can make a real difference. That might be a trusted friend, a family member, or a professional counsellor.

Just remember, you do not have to carry difficult feelings alone.

If you need immediate help or support, you can find useful organisations and crisis contacts here.

If you would like a calm, confidential space to talk about family relationships or anything else that may be on your mind, you are always welcome to get in touch.

Final Thoughts

Mother’s Day is a significant date in the calendar, but it does not have to define how you feel or how you spend the day.

You are allowed to approach it in whatever way feels most supportive for you.

Whether that means celebrating, remembering, reflecting, or simply getting through the day quietly. All of those responses are human. All of them deserve kindness…

However the day unfolds for you, be gentle with yourself.

Helpful Contact Information

Counselling for Adults and CYP in East Kent – My Journey to Becoming a Professional Counsellor and Psychotherapist

Written by Lorraine Smith on February 12, 2026. Posted in About Me and my journey. No Comments on Counselling for Adults and CYP in East Kent – My Journey to Becoming a Professional Counsellor and Psychotherapist

Lorraine Smith Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Wellbeing Specialist. Working with adults and CYP

Hello, I’m Lorraine!

Welcome to my site—I’m really glad you’re here.

I’m a qualified adult and CYP counsellor. In this blog you can find out more about how we might work together, my history and my qualifications.

Choosing a Counsellor

Are you looking for counselling for yourself or a young person?

I know choosing a counsellor can sometimes feel overwhelming, with so many options—both counsellors and modalities—to choose from.

In this blog I’d to share a little about myself, my journey, and my approach to counselling.

You will hopefully get a better idea of options of therapy available, whether we’ll be a good fit, and what the therapy process might look like.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me via email, via text on 07973307092.

My Background and what led me to Counselling

Let’s start at the beginning of my journey.

What led me to qualify as a counsellor and psychotherapist?

My path into counselling began after years of working as a multi-award-winning complementary therapist.

I saw firsthand how frequently clients came to me for physical relief but often shared emotional struggles during their treatments. Realising that I wanted to support people more deeply – professionally and ethically – I decided to train as a counsellor.

While my journey started with a deep desire to support others, it’s also been a wonderful mix of personal discovery and reflection.

It’s often said that training to become a counsellor changes you—how you interact with others and approach relationships. I certainly grew and developed during my training, and I haven’t stopped since.

My Childhood

In case you’re curious, my own childhood was fairly typical in many ways. I’m the youngest of two siblings, and our parents, from the ‘silent generation,’ worked hard to provide us with better opportunities than they had growing up in post-war Britain.

My memories of my early years are warm and mostly positive. My parents did an amazing job with the resources and knowledge they had, and I’m deeply grateful for their love and dedication.

When I was born, attachment theory was in its infancy, and counselling for mental health challenges wasn’t as widely recognised as it is today. Thankfully, a lot has changed since then. We now have a much greater awareness of the importance of mental wellbeing and a deeper understanding of how childhood experiences can shape us as adults.

Many therapists may focus on – or sometimes even fixate on – your childhood. While attachment theory informs my work, I want you to know that in our sessions, you are in control of what you choose to bring to the conversation.

Are you the person you would like to be?

During my professional counselling training, I quickly learned how important it is to look within, to explore, question, and try to understand our core beliefs and early influences. Once we’ve discovered these, we can then decide if they still fit the person we are – or wish to be – today.

Foundational beliefs, often formed in childhood, can influence how we see the world and interact with others.

Through my own journey of self-reflection, I began to understand how much my parents’ values and my formative years shaped my perspectives. I recognised what was “learned” and what was uniquely “me.”

While my past influenced me, I saw that I had the power to choose my own path forward.

I appreciate my childhood experiences, but I also acknowledge that I am the master of my own destiny. If certain values no longer align with who I am, I have the ability to change them.

Professional Therapy

I didn’t travel this journey of self-exploration alone.

Just as you may be considering now, I engaged in professional therapy.

Therapy gave me the opportunity to dive deeper into who I am and who I’d like to be, examining my feelings of self-worth and taking those first tentative steps toward self-actualisation, or, in other words, living my best life!

Embarking on therapy is, for many, a HUGE step.

Therapy is not about giving advice; it’s about having someone truly listen and be with you as you find the answers within yourself.

A beautiful analogy I’ve found in counselling is that you, the client, are in the driver’s seat, and the counsellor is the instructor sitting beside you. My role is to support and guide you while you steer the car—helping you discover the answers that are already within you.

Before I Qualified as a Counsellor

As I mentioned above, before becoming a counsellor and psychotherapist, I spent three decades as a multi-award-winning therapist, offering massage, beauty, and complementary therapies to clients in East Kent.

My journey began at Pfizer in Sandwich and continued as it transitioned into Discovery Park.

In 2020 (that fateful year!), I began working exclusively from my home treatment room, which has truly become a safe space – an oasis of calm and tranquillity.

Why did I pursue extra training in counselling?

Much like we often confide in our hairdressers, clients would open up emotionally during treatments. This inspired me to pursue formal training to better support people – compassionately and empathically, without judgment – creating a safe haven where clients could talk through their challenges.

The Therapeutic Relationship

Most UK counselling training focuses on working with adults, and mine was no different.

I find it immensely rewarding to work with adults who may have been struggling for some time or have had difficulty finding the right counsellor.

I’ve developed strong therapeutic relationships with my adult clients, and as many counselling theories attest, the best results are achieved when the therapeutic relationship is solid.

I’ve been privileged to walk alongside my clients, witnessing their growth.

Working with Children and Young People (CYP)

During my training, I was fortunate to work with a variety of children and young people (CYP), which sparked a real passion within me. I subsequently gained a CYP specific counselling qualification.

CYP have a natural resilience, and it’s incredibly fulfilling to help them develop coping strategies that will support them throughout the rest of their life.

Some children prefer to talk, while others embrace more creative therapies—like sand trays, drawing, storytelling, and puppetry. Regardless of the approach, therapy is taking place, and progress is being made.

Working Creatively with Adults

While creative counselling can be particularly effective for children and young people, it’s also a useful tool for adults, especially for those who find it easier to express themselves creatively, or those who find it difficult to open up.

Walk and Talk Therapy (Ecotherapy)

If you or your CYP prefer being out in nature, taking the sessions outdoors can be beneficial—it avoids sitting in close proximity in an enclosed space.

You are in Control

You have the autonomy to choose how your counselling looks. I’m here to walk beside you, or sit in the passenger seat, as you navigate your future.

How we Might Work Together

My approach is rooted in empathy, warmth, and the belief that we all have the capacity to heal, no matter where or when we start. My privilege is accompanying you as you build the tools and resilience you need to thrive.

I am a fully qualified counsellor and psychotherapist, trained in multiple therapeutic approaches. My approaches include CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), person-centred therapy, and psychodynamic therapy, among others.

I’ve also completed additional training in CYP counselling and creative therapies like Sand-tray therapy, puppetry, and Russian dolls.

If you’re open to exploring, I can also incorporate somatic therapies and mindfulness into sessions.

As a pluralistic counsellor, I tailor my sessions to ensure you get the most from them.

One size doesn’t necessarily fit all.

While face to face therapy is a wonderful format, it’s not for everyone. I offer online counselling (via video, email, phone, or text) for those who prefer not to, or can’t attend in-person sessions. There is walk-and-talk therapy for those who prefer a relaxed, natural setting to work through their thoughts. Creativity is available in every session.

My background as a therapist in East Kent means I’ve been fortunate to work closely with local communities. I’ve supported both children and young people (CYP) and adults with a wide range of issues.

Tailoring each Session to YOU!

With a wealth of experience and a variety of approaches, I can truly tailor each session to meet your unique preferences and needs.

Every client’s journey is different. Whichever approach we use, I will bring core counselling values to every session: integrity, non-judgment, and respect for your autonomy.

I believe you are the expert in your life. I’m here to sit beside you, supporting your self-discovery as you navigate your path.

Additional Previous Experience

In addition to my private practice, I’ve also worked as a bereavement volunteer with Cruse. Here I supported children and adults both in person and online.

I’ve been fortunate to train with Place2Be, an organisation that champions children’s mental health within the educational system. Additionally I’ve supported young learners in a local college.

I regularly undertake CPD (continuous professional development). This helps me stay up-to-date and broaden my skills, ensuring I’m the best possible counsellor for my clients.

Next Steps

This is just a (fairly) brief introduction! I hope it gives you a sense of who I am and why I’m passionate about this work.

If you feel I might be the right fit for you, please get in touch for a free initial consultation. We can chat about what you’re looking for and explore how I might support you on your journey. I truly believe we all have the capacity to heal and grow, no matter where we start. Whether you’re struggling with something specific or would just like someone to talk to, I’m here to walk alongside you. Contact me here or schedule your complimentary 15-minute discovery call here.