Mother’s Day Can Bring Many Emotions
As a counsellor working with adults and young people, I often hear how certain calendar days can stir up unexpected emotions. Mother’s Day can bring many emotions, and for some people it can be helpful to seek a little extra emotional support.
It can be a beautiful opportunity to show appreciation, but it can also be a time when difficult feelings surface, encouraging us to reflect on the complexity of family relationships.
Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, our screens, inboxes and shop windows begin to fill with flowers, cards and smiling families.
We now have the option to ‘opt-out’ of marketing emails that might trigger difficult feelings or bring emotions to the surface that we would rather not deal with at the moment. However, the reminders are still there in the background. It can sometimes feel impossible to fully escape them.
For many people, it’s a joyous day. Mother’s Day provides a chance to say thank you, spend time together, and acknowledge the roles our mothers, or mother figures, have played in our lives.
However, not every story fits neatly into the “perfect family” narrative we often see around this time of year. Like many significant days in the calendar, Mother’s Day can evoke a wide range of emotions. For some people it’s joyful, colourful, happy and full of laughter. For others it may feel complicated, sad, heavy, or quietly painful.
If this day brings warmth for you, I hope you are able to enjoy that.
If this day feels difficult for you, please remember, you are not alone.
Human relationships are rarely perfect, however, they can still hold meaning, encouraging growth and understanding.
If it feels particularly heavy this year, and you’d like to chat to someone today, please remember that support is available online and on the phone 24/7.
Below are a few suggestions that might help if you are struggling today.
However, before you explore those, it may be helpful, and regulating, to understand that Mother’s Day was not always a day of celebration of the women who gave birth to us or the female caregivers in our lives. The history of Mother’s Day is quite different from what many people imagine.
The Origins of Mother’s Day in the UK
In the UK, what we now call Mother’s Day was originally known as Mothering Sunday.
The tradition originated in the 16th century and was connected to the Christian calendar. Mothering Sunday is always on the fourth Sunday of Lent, which is why the date changes each year.
Originally, the day had little to do with buying gifts or celebrating mothers in the modern sense. Instead, people would return to their “mother church”, the main church or parish where they were baptised, for a service.
Over time, the day began to take on a more family-focused meaning. Historically, many young people worked away from home as domestic servants or farm workers. Mothering Sunday was often the one day of the year they were allowed to return home to visit their families.
These young people would often pick flowers from hedgerows to give to their mothers, or for the church.
Additionally, the fourth weekend of Lent is also known as Refreshment Sunday, when the Lenten fast was permitted to be eased. This is where the tradition of baking and sharing Simnel cake began.
Mother’s Day in America is celebrated on the second Sunday in May. This was officially established in the early 20th century by President Woodrow Wilson as a day for personal reflection and gratitude.
The American celebrations led to the UK tradition being revived in 1913 by Constance Penswick-Smith, and Mothering Sunday was promoted again, gradually evolving into the Mother’s Day we recognise today.
Why Mother’s Day Can Be Difficult for Some People
Mother’s Day is generally presented as a universally happy and joyous occasion. However, the reality can be far from the images the media portray.
We are all unique. We all walk our own path. The truth is, many people’s experience of Mother’s Day can be completely different, sometimes filled with negative emotions.
Family relationships are rarely simple.
Motherhood, in all its forms, can carry enormous emotional weight.
Some people look forward to the day with warmth and gratitude, planning family gatherings and meals out, whilst others may find themselves feeling unexpectedly sad, reflective, angry, or even numb.
There are many reasons why Mother’s Day can stir strong feelings.
Here are just a few that may resonate with you:
• Someone may be grieving the loss of their mother
• A relationship with a mother may be strained or distant
• There may be family estrangement
• Someone may have experienced a difficult childhood
• A person may be longing to become a parent themselves
• A mother may feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or unsupported
• A parent may be grieving the loss of a child
Additionally, for many, celebration days can highlight complicated family dynamics. Difficult family relationships are usually easier to avoid during the rest of the year, however, significant days and holidays often come with expectations of family gatherings that are peaceful and harmonious, with everyone getting on.
We see it on social media, we see it in advertising – those perfect lives! When the wider world presents a single narrative of happy families, flowers, and perfect cards, it can make our own feelings seem unjustified, unreasonable, or isolating.
Remember, it’s not unusual for Mother’s Day to evoke all sorts of emotional responses. Whatever you are feeling, your feelings are valid.
The Quiet Pressure of “Special Days”
As mentioned above, events like Mother’s Day can carry a surprising amount of pressure.
We are often surrounded by messages about what the day should look like:
• the perfect card
• the perfect family lunch
• the perfect relationship
But real life rarely fits neatly into those expectations.
Relationships between parents and children can be loving but complex. They can change over time. There may be moments of closeness alongside moments of hurt or misunderstanding. There may even be a breakdown of the relationship altogether.
It is possible to feel love, frustration, hurt, injustice, despair, in fact a myriad of emotions, all at the same time.
Rather than forcing an emotion because the calendar says so, you’re allowed to give yourself the space and permission to explore, acknowledge, and accept what you are feeling.
Remember, motherhood comes in all shapes and sizes.
If you consider it, being a mother encompasses nurturing, providing love and support, and guiding a child’s growth and development. It involves sacrificing personal needs for the child’s well-being, instilling values, and shaping their character.
On Mother’s Day it may be helpful to remember that these qualities are frequently found in many different people we meet during our lives.
Teachers, grandparents, friends, mentors, partners and carers often play powerful nurturing roles.
Sometimes the people who “mother” us are not our mothers at all.
Recognising those relationships can also be a meaningful way to acknowledge Mother’s Day.
If Mother’s Day Feels Difficult, Remember to Look After YOU
If you find Mother’s Day emotionally challenging, it can help to approach the day with a little extra self-care and kindness.
There is no single “right” way to navigate the day. Whatever feels right for you is right for you.
If you would like some inspiration, here are some gentle ideas that may help.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
You never need to dismiss or minimise how you feel.
Whatever emotions you are feeling – sadness, anger, relief, or simply quiet reflection – all your feelings and responses are valid.
Sometimes going into our minds and trying to analyse our thoughts can seem impossible. So it may also help to notice what your body might be telling you.
Strong emotions often show up physically. You might feel a tight chest, a knot in your stomach, heaviness in your shoulders, or a sense of restlessness.
These are often called somatic responses, the way emotions are experienced in the body.
Take a moment to scan your body and notice what you are feeling. Rather than pushing the sensations away, you might gently pause and notice them for a moment. Take a slow breath and allow yourself to simply acknowledge what is there.
You don’t have to analyse it or fix it. Sometimes just recognising what your body is holding, and sitting with the feeling for a moment, can be a small step towards easing it.
Adjust Your Expectations
You are allowed to step back from the traditional script if it doesn’t feel right for you.
That might mean:
• saying no to an invitation
• keeping the day simple
• spending time with people who feel supportive
• limiting time on social media
• allowing yourself quiet space if needed
It is perfectly acceptable to do what feels manageable for you.
Honour the Relationship in Your Own Way
We all have, or had, a mother.
Mother’s Day may be a moment to remember someone who is no longer here, perhaps by looking at old photographs, lighting a candle, or visiting a meaningful place.
For others, they may never have known their birth mother, so Mothering Sunday can be the perfect opportunity to celebrate the female caregivers in their lives, or the dad who assumed the roles of two parents.
For those who are estranged, it may be an opportunity to reflect on happier memories and show care and kindness to yourself.
There is no correct way to honour a relationship, only the way that feels right for you.
Do Mother’s Day Your Way
Mother’s Day does not mean you have to spend the day with your mother.
Some people choose to spend the day with friends, children, partners, or their chosen family. Others treat it as a quiet day of rest, reflection or self-care.
It does not have to look like the version presented in advertising; it just has to, hopefully, feel right for you.
Reach Out If You Need Support
If the day brings up particularly strong feelings, talking to someone can help and seeking emotional support can make a real difference. That might be a trusted friend, a family member, or a professional counsellor.
Just remember, you do not have to carry difficult feelings alone.
If you need immediate help or support, you can find useful organisations and crisis contacts here.
If you would like a calm, confidential space to talk about family relationships or anything else that may be on your mind, you are always welcome to get in touch.
Final Thoughts
Mother’s Day is a significant date in the calendar, but it does not have to define how you feel or how you spend the day.
You are allowed to approach it in whatever way feels most supportive for you.
Whether that means celebrating, remembering, reflecting, or simply getting through the day quietly. All of those responses are human. All of them deserve kindness…
However the day unfolds for you, be gentle with yourself.